Charly's Vacation to Lloyd-Land

I'm SUPER lucky to have a few friends helping out with Charly.  Megan (who's been in the blog before here) has been helping since the first week Charly came home.  Meg is a CNA and working towards getting into the nursing program.  Charly LOVES her.  She always has.  Meg is affectionately known as "mimi" to Charly.  Charly can say her name and everything.  Kristen has also been a HUGE help coming over to help me with Charly a few times.  She calls Kristen "KK".  Charly can say all the names of the Lloyd family!  It's so cute!  My friend Allison (is Meg's mom) has been on this journey with us since Charly was born.  She came to the hospital the day she came so early.  It's neat to have friends that have been able to see how far Charly has come and truly what a miracle she is!

The Lloyds have always been so helpful with us...taking care of Charly.

Left to right with Charly's version of their names: Meg (Mimi), Allison (Alli or "mom" in the back), Jason (JJ), Amanda (Manda), Lexi (Lou Lou), Zac (Ack, in front left), and Kristen (KK).

They sit by us at church (when and if we ever dare to take her...so many germs), and are always offering help and kindness to our family.  

Lexi, Charly & Meg...Charly's giving Meg a kiss for her birthday!

Lexi, Charly, Kristen & Amanda behind the flowers

Lately, I've been sick, and a little down in the dumps.  Poor Charly has been a little bored with me.  Allison volunteered to take Charly to their house for several hours (for a few days each night!), and it's been WONDERFUL.  Charly is learning new things, and I'm sure she's winning their hearts as much as they are winning hers.  She comes home each time doing something new, saying a new word, and feeling LOVED!  Jason even said something on facebook like "being in the presence of Charly Bella...is like being in the presence of Angels".  SUPER CUTE!  She LOVES her LLoyds!

Charly playing "dress up" with the Lloyd's, Meg on the left.

Meg, Allison & Kristen all know how to hook up Charly's feeding tube.  That is so nice and reassuring in the even that we have some sort of an emergency.  It's also super neat...that I've been able to have help with Charly a few times that I've been sick and needed rest, or even just to take a quick date with John somewhere close.  It's so hard to leave a regular baby with somebody...let alone one that has special needs...and the Lloyds (along with a few others like Family and Jen) have enabled us to get out and feel "normal".

Meg, Andrea (Andrea is not a Lloyd, but pretty much a Lloyd...lol ), and Charly Bella

This last week was Megans 20th birthday, and Charly decided that she wanted to go to the party.  She HAD A BLAST!

I thought after that night that I was experiencing a miracle...when I tried sitting Charly up by herself (like I do several times most days...but she falls over), and SHE STAYED SITTING UP...ALL BY HERSELF!

Lexi and Charly sitting up reading Seventeen Magazine...lol.  Super Cute!

I immediately text Allison to tell her, and her response was something like this "yes, we know...we have all been practicing with her!".  LOL!  Charly is getting some good therapy at the Lloyds!

THANK YOU LLOYD FAMILY for all that you do for us, and for all the LOVE you give CHARLY BELLA!

Sitting...ALL BY MYSELF!!!

Charly...our little 24 weeker (born 16 weeks premature) just sat all by herself with NO assistance for 30 seconds! This is a HUGE accomplishment for her! She has Cerebral Palsy, but that's not stopping her from showing us she CAN do this!

 Keep up the MIRACLES Charly!!

Happy Valentines Day!

Will You Be My Valentine?

A New Fashion Statement

Charly has a new fashion statement. She prefers the box to bows right now...lol.

19 Weeks...and NOT counting!

19 Weeks and SUPER SICK today!

So far so good.  We've made it 19 weeks...and we are NOT starting to COUNT!  I really want to make it to my goal delivery date of 36 weeks.  These next few months are going to be very scary and critical to us!

I've been having a really rough go with morning sickness, and I wake up each week thinking "this week I will feel much better," and then I don't.  I am taking solace in the fact that the "wives tale" says the sicker you are in pregnancy...the healthier the baby.  Well, something of that nature.  My poor family is dealing with my horrid gag reflex.  Sometimes It's so bad I can't lift my head up off the sofa.  Jaxon has decided he would rather change Charly's messy diaper...than watch me gag and get sick while doing it (although, he has yet to change a stinky one...lol).

I started my progesterone injections last week.  They aren't so bad.  The needle is really long and scary looking, but I just don't look.  I'm going in to see Dr. E every week anyway, so I haven't had to "learn" how to give myself the injections...which is a bonus right now - being so sick and all.  

I had an ultrasound this week too.  The baby looks good.  They couldn't see her spine very well so I will need to go back to have it repeated, but everything else looked great.  I had SO MUCH anxiety during the ultrasound.  I know for sure...that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from Charly's early delivery, and my 5 month NICU stay with her.  I think Primary Childrens gave it to me the worst.  I found myself counting things off in the ultrasound.  Does she have 4 chambers of the heart, can we see her ventricles, does she have a stomach, etc, etc... I know for a fact that I would have never thought about any of these things if I didn't gain some experience from other babies and their developmental deformities I was exposed to at Primary's.  As I laid there...I started having flashbacks of babies and their medical problems...not just the ones that I was familiar with that Charly had.  I can't even begin to describe the anxiety in my heart, head, and body.

Charly celebrating the Superbowl! (Dr. Pepper used for a Pork Recipe you sillies!)

'Today was the Super-bowl.  I didn't feel all that great, and wow, I feel like I've become a horrible mom.  I've tried so much to do everything that I possibly can to keep Charly busy, but some days are just not the best.  She's starting to get annoyed with my laying next to her chair on the floor.  She looks at me like "why aren't you picking me up or playing with me". 

Poor Jaxon has been helping me more than I know he should.  He has been SO GOOD.  He picks Charly up and holds her when she calls him, and Charly is starting to call Jaxon "buba" more than she calls "mama".  In fact...the other night Charly woke up in the middle of the night.  I went in to check on her and she looked at me like "who are you?"  She immediately started crying and calling "buba".  Jaxon woke up and came into her room and held her...and PUT HER BACK TO SLEEP...in the middle of the night!  What an AWESOME kid!  I sure love my Jaxon!

Despite feeling SUPER sick and eating mainly a diet of carbs, (yes, that would be like 6-8 pieces of bread per day, crackers, tortilla's etc, etc...it's horrible - but I am keeping down my vitamins!) John has been cooking up a STORM.  I'm so lucky that he's such a good cook.  He makes me pretty much anything that sounds good at the time!  This week...it was coconut shrimp...

And pressed shrimp sushi.  I've already started gaining weight...so that's a bit depressing, but I'm doing the best that I can feeling so sick and trying to keep my body with the calories it needs for the baby.  I am already planning my VERY INTENSIVE weight loss regiment after the baby comes.  So, for now I'm indulging when I feel good enough.  It is taking a bit of emotional toll on me...I gotta say.  But, I really will do anything to get this baby here fat and healthy.

Charly is getting more teeth.  She sure doesn't like teething, and I sure don't like it either.  Last night I gave up and put her in my bed in the middle of the night.  She wore herself out by playing with my box of tissues.

A Car For Callen...

This is little Charly Bella's first boyfriend from the NICU! His family has had lots of challenges to overcome too...and are in desperate need of a car. Please read and consider helping. And please SHARE! :)

A Car For Callen

Pregnancy after a Micro-Preemie: 18 weeks

18 Weeks - I'm already bigger than I was when I had Charly at 24 weeks!
I'm not thrilled with this picture...John really wanted me to "pose" for this one...and I felt silly.
But...I didn't take any "tummy" pictures with Jaxon or Charly...so this is new for me!

Well, we've made it this far.  It's such a relief that everyone knows our exciting news.  We found out before Halloween and it's been hard to keep quiet, and not share the news.  At the same time...it's been very scary.

Having a baby after a micro-preemie is a very unique experience.  We know we have a lot of statistics stacked against us (30-40% chance of pre-term delivery), and we are taking every possible precaution.  I'm seeing an awesome Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist and I know that we are in good hands.  On top of the statistics...I will need to have a mandatory c-section at 36 weeks due to the type of c-section that I had when I had Charly.  So...another baby that is coming at least 4 weeks.  

At 14 weeks (around Christmas time) I had a cerclage placed.  Because we don't know "exactly" why Charly Bella came at 24 weeks...the best guess is that my cervix thinned and my water broke.  It wasn't the funnest surgery I've ever had (hey, who said surgery was fun anyway), but it sure helps give me peace of mind that we are considering everything in order to keep this little miracle inside as long as possible!

I am pretty much on moderate bed-rest.  Which means...I can do normal household duties with NO lifting, and NO exercise.  I go in weekly or bi-weekly depending on how I'm doing to get checked and meet with the Doc.  So far so good.

I've spent many nights with anxiety over having this little one.  She wasn't "planned" so it took us by surprise in so many ways.  We really do feel that we are being blessed by Heavenly Fathers will and that this baby...just like Charly has a purpose.  I've been suffering from morning sickness since about 5 or 6 weeks.  It hit really early on.  With Jaxon it didn't hit until 9 weeks, and with Charly it didn't hit until about 8 weeks.  This one hit hard and I've felt pretty miserable since.  I have a gag reflex that just won't stop.  Some days I feel like I can't lift my head off the pillow because gagging 200x just takes everything ounce of energy that I've got.  I console myself with the reminder of how I felt after I had Charly.  I wanted to have a big uncomfortable belly so bad.  I would have traded a thousand sick morning sickness days than to watch her struggle and suffer...so if sickness means that I have a chance at a healthy baby...then bring it on.

I also try and stay positive about the outcome.  Some days it's hard and I relive moments and fears of Charly's early delivery.  I also fear for my own safety much more during this pregnancy.  I have two other kids who rely on my and I want to stay healthy and be able to take care of my family.  I have much more of a "pregnancy reality" than I have ever had before.

I'm thankful for John, my Mom, and for my friends and family who keep supporting me and helping me through this.  Jaxon has been one of my biggest helpers with all of this.  He is such a WONDERFUL big brother, and I know that this little baby inside my tummy is one lucky little lady because she gets to have Jaxon and Charly as her brother and sister.  

I'm just being careful and trying to do my best.  I start progesterone injections this week...so I hope those go alright.  One more step in the process of strengthening my body to handle this pregnancy.  

I am thankful for this experience as hard as it may be and I relish these moments of my last pregnancy.

Charly's Gonna Have A Little...

SISTER!

Guess What?

That's RIGHT...Charly's HAIR...SAYS IT ALL!

Poor Jaxon...Overworked by one little sister already!

John & I are VERY SURPRISED TOO!

MIRACLE #3 IS ON THE WAY!

18 Months Old!

I can't believe that Charly is 18 months old today!  It's gone by really fast, and VERY slow at the same time.  We've learned so much from her and have been so inspired by her strength and abilities.  She still has a lot of challenges, but WOW, WHAT A MIRACLE.  I keep thinking back to the day we had her...when we were told she was really more like a "23 weeker" and that "she is not expected to live the night".  I count my blessings every day that I have little Charly in my life!

Here are her current 18 Month stats:

* Charly is sleeping through the NIGHT! Yeah!  She sleeps sometimes up to 10 hours and no longer takes melatonin.  She sure is a cute LITTLE ZEBRA when she's sleeping!

*Feeding: Charly is OFF her continuous night feedings! YEAH! ALLELUIA, HAVE MERCY!  I no longer need to wake up every 3 or 4 hours to fill the formula in her feeding tube pump.  I still wake up quite a bit these days...but that's another story.  Right now Charly eats 5 times a day (usually 9, 12, 3, 6, and 9) and is taking nearly 8 oz each feeding of regular Similac Advanced formula (we are off the Neosure...another Yeah!  She runs on her g-tube Joey Pump at 230 ml per hour and gets 230ml...or approx 8 oz).  Her little tummy is growing up!

*Feeding Therapy:  Charly still gets 100% of her nutrition via her gtube.  She is learning to sip from a sippy cup, and can take very small bites of some types of foods (very soft foods, breads, soups, etc).  Really she can only tolerate chewing a tiny piece of bread about the size of your small pinky finger.  She has been working though.  She likes to eat food off of a fork, but not a spoon.  She likes freeze dried yogurt bites, but won't eat the real stuff to save her life, and she now HATES spoons.  Poor kid.  She really just has her dads taste buds and wants to eat small bites of Cheetos puffs, easy cheese or lick the chili off of his chili dog...lol.  

*Occupational and Physical Therapy: We had to put her therapy on hold for a few weeks.  Charly just screams every time her therapist comes.  We all just couldn't take it anymore and so we gave her a break.  In the next few months her therapy will be picking up more aggressively, and we will be working more with Primary Children's Pediatric Rehab.  Charly was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, but we need Primary's to diagnose the "type" and "severity".  Once we have that information...we can really start giving her what she needs.  And we love our Early Intervention Therapist and all of the idea's and help that she offers Charly too.  Aside from therapy...Charly is MOVING more.  She can now roll from one end of the room to the other...going back and forth rolling on each side.  Her left arm is still pretty limited and she won't use it much, but she has gotten the "rolling" down.  She also LOVES to be in her jumparoo.  That poor thing has seen better days.  She likes to jump, swing, and turn herself around in it.  

* Charly is saying more words.  She can say the following: "buh-buh (Jaxon or brother), mama, dada, booka booka (she loves books), mimi (her friend Megan), Kaykay (her friend Kristen), gaga (grandma), yum, yum (means I want a drink from my sippy cup, or she says it when I'm hooking up her feeding tube), and a few others I can't think of at the moment.  She really is a smart little kiddo.

* Charly's favorite people in our house are in this order (and I'm not kidding): Buh-Buh (Jaxon - She says his name probably 200x a day when he is at school.  She watches and looks frustrated that he isn't walking in the door when she says his name.  He is the ONLY person that Charly smiles when she says his name...whether he is there or not at the time...it's so cute), Da-da (she is her daddy's girl), and last but not least Ma-ma...or me.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  Charly sure has these boys in the house wrapped around her little finger!

At Charly's 18 month appointment...things went pretty well.  She is growing along the curve, but is slightly underweight.  Here are her 18 month stats:

Our little Monkey has gone from 1.4lbs to 18.7!

Weight in pounds..is following the chart, but only at 5th percentile.

Length in inches...10th percentile.

Poor little Hydrocephalus head is already at the 50th percentile.  

But she sure does have a CUTE head!

Charly is SO MUCH FUN!  She Loves to be the center of attention.  And some days no matter how hard I try to give her the Donald Trump "comb over"...her hair still stands up (I helped it a bit in this picture of course).

Happy 18 Months Charly!

Tracy's Story

What you are about to read is Tracy's Story. 

It is worth reading from TOP to BOTTOM.  Please grab a Kleenex with me.  Here goes:

"The first time I saw Charly Bella’s blog I fell in love with her and her family. Sometimes I think we go through hard times to have our hearts softened so we can be there for others. You see I have been in that situation with a baby you love more than life itself, hoping, and praying for a miracle. I’ve been there four times hoping against all odds my babies would make it.

I married my high school sweetheart; he was and continues to be my prince charming.

We found out we were expecting a few years after we were married. We made it past the 12 week worry of miscarrying and just though we were home free. We began buying and decorating for our new baby. The thought of anything bad happening had never crossed my mind...up until this point in life I had lived a very “normal” life. 

At 20 weeks we found out we were expecting a baby boy! We couldn’t have been happier…. But just a few short weeks later at a routine doctor’s visit our dreams were shattered. They could not detect a heartbeat and a few moments later an ultra sound confirmed it our little boy lay there lifeless inside of me. They induced labor and about 24 hours later I gave birth to a beautiful boy, ten toes, ten fingers, and a little bit of blonde hair that curled around his neck. 

My doctor at the time said he didn’t see anything concerning that this is just “something that happens” and “every women loses at least one baby”. Young and new to this world I took his words as fact. It turns out there were so many women out there who had lost a babies too, way more than I realized. I went into a severe depression; the whole world seemed to have changed. I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. Our lives became a little obsessed with death we visited a lot of cemeteries and would read all the headstones of little lives lost. We buried our baby in a nearby cemetery in an unmarked grave.

A few years later we became pregnant again. It wasn’t planned but we were happy. I was so scared to get past that dreadful 24 week mark that we lost our last little guy. Every doctor’s appointment my heart would race and then almost stop completely as I laid in silence waiting to hear that heartbeat. The doctor ran a few routine blood tests and things seemed normal. He assured me it was going to be ok this time. It appeared to be a text book pregnancy. Not realizing I was high risk I continued to see a family practitioner, only one ultra sound at 20 weeks…. Again a beautiful, healthy boy. Everything looked perfect. 

I didn’t dare buy anything for him yet, I didn’t think I could handle the pain of putting it all away again. I was extra tired, but what pregnant women aren’t right? I thought I was just a bad pregnant person and I told myself “buck up push thru”. I changed jobs this pregnancy to have one with less stress where I could rest a lot throughout the day. A baby clothing store.  I would look at things and get too scared to get excited of having a baby to actually take home. 24 weeks came and went and the baby was doing great! It was the Holiday season and Christmas came and went as well. 

The night of December 29^th we had spent the night at my mother in laws house. I hadn’t felt the baby move a lot through the night and was scared… was it happening again? Early on December 30^th I had a strong pain right below my ribs and called my doctor. He was out for the holidays but they instructed us to go the the emergency room. They assured me I was just paranoid but better safe than sorry. I was so thankful when we got to the ER and they found that little heart beat right away. I thought we were in the clear. But within moments the room was racing with doctors and they all looked scared….some of the other tests were coming back and things weren’t good.

My husband looked scared and asked the Doctor  “my wife, shes gonna be ok right?” The doctor kind of just shook his head and said “on a scale of 1-10, 1 being dead, your wife is a 2” . I saw the tears in his eyes and was shaking with fear. They had called for life flight to come get the baby. I remember watching my legs shake as they put a catheter in. Scared to death we had not had time to call family. I asked my husband to call my mom. In the meantime his mom had called to check on us and the hospital told her they couldn’t give info over the phone but she should just get there. They asked if I would rather be awake or asleep for the birth. I said “if I’m going to die I would like to stay awake as long as possible” The doctor nodded and said he would keep me awake as long as possible. 

Our little boy was born on December 30^th. I was 32 weeks gestation. Our baby suffered from severe growth retardation and weighed only 2lbs 1 oz. He was taken by life flight to a hospital in Provo my husband left with him. I was still unstable and stayed in our local hospital. It was the millennium and our family was apart….But our “Trey” was alive and his prognosis looked good. On January 2^nd 2000 I was allowed to make the trip to Provo to be with my baby. I was pumping milk but he couldn’t have it yet. His numbers didn’t look good his white cell count was very low and our little guy was struggling. I didn’t wanna leave his side but on the morning of January 3^rd we left for shift change and walked across the street to the Ronald McDonald house to brush our teeth and freshen up when we got the call. 

“Mrs Jarman? Your son isn't doing good…" I’m not sure what all was said but he urged us to come back to the room. We walked in just as they were resuscitating our son. He was breathing but the doctors felt he was brain dead and we made the choice to allow them to stop life support. 

They removed his tubes and handed him to us.  He died in my arms in just a short time.

Greif counselors made molds of his little hands and feet and took pictures of us with our son…. Pictures I can’t look at to this day. We were able to dress our little man for his casket, I wanted him to wear little socks on his little feet. We had a small service for him later that week. He remains forever in our hearts.

This took such an emotional toll on us. The doctor on call that day took a lot of interest in me and sent the placenta off for testing. He told me this was not normal and should not keep happening. He consulted with specialists around the state and asked me to come in for testing. The test they ran they didn’t even know how to in the lab and had to look it up first. 

The doctor recommended me not getting pregnant again.. Possibly ever. 

A short time later he called me at home I had tested positive for antiphospholipid syndrome. He told me to stop taking my birth control immediately as it could be fatal to me…but again highly recommended I not get pregnant. I began studying a lot about this disease and found many stories where women had healthy babies with treatment. There was hope...but the pain was fresh. 

The thought of having to bury another baby was unbearable. So I became a workaholic and tried to hide my pain and cried almost daily for the babies I lost, what could have been and the desire to have a baby.

On a beach in Hawaii in March 2008 I told my husband in tears that I wasn’t happy and didn’t think I would ever fill fulfilled without children. I wanted to try one more time for a biological child. He agreed and said “who knows we could even have one before the end of this year” . That’s not even possible I told him. We laughed but were scared and excited to finally face our fears and go again. 

We never really “tried” to get pregnant but in early July 2008 we were expecting. We immediately saw a doctor who immediately put us in touch with a maternal fetal medicine team at St Marks hospital in Salt Lake City. It was a bit disappointing when the doctors told us it was up to God to get it to 20 weeks and they would do their best to help me after that. 

My local doctor was amazing RIP Dr. Thomas. He saw me weekly to assure me that me and baby were doing fine. Monitoring everything closely! I received two shots a day of blood thinners in my stomach, took extra folic acid. Had blood tests weekly and monthly. Everything was going ok. At 20 weeks we returned to St Marks. The 20 week ultra sound looked good… It was a girl! Which was good news cause little girls are stronger we were told. But at 24 weeks things weren’t looking so good. The blood flow through the placenta was restricted. Again it was the holiday season. Thanksgiving weekend, they sent me home asking me back in 4 days instructed to plan on not going home. And sure enough on December 5^th we were hospitalized. 

The NICU doctor immediately visited and told us all the roads we were facing with a baby that delivers at 24 weeks. They expected me to deliver in the next few days. We proved them wrong! I cried everyday and was so scared. But our little angel held strong. We lived in labor and delivery at St Marks hospital for the next 4 weeks. The doctors were not sure if or when but knew our daughter would have to be taken out to save her life and mine at any given moment. But wanted to leave her inside as long as possible. We were able to have steroids for her lungs when I was 24 weeks pregnant. Her little heart rate would drop to almost a stop on the monitor and we would panic but doctors assured us she would let us know when it was time to get her out. 

On the night of Decemeber 27^th her little heart rate drops became more often and she had one that took over 5 minutes to recover...It was time. She was born at 9:09am December 28, 2008. Weighing only 2lbs 2oz. She was 29 weeks gestation.

We were warned of all the problems she would be facing we didn’t care we just wanted her to live! Having spent many days in the hospital room together my husband and I had a lot of time to talk and we decided this was too hard we couldn’t keep going through this and live or die this was our last attempt at a biological child. 

We decided to have my tubes tied. My doctor warned me of its permanence and we decided we were done. Our little miracle Brinlee Lapriel was a fighter from the get go. She was off the ventilator in just 14 hours. We lived the NICU rollercoaster for nearly two months. But on February 12, 2009 we brought home our little 4lb baby girl. What a miracle! I was pinching myself! Thankful for our little angel!

I can’t even explain what a relief it was to be done with the pregnant, baby rollercoaster. I was happy and complete. When Brinlee was about 11 months old I started having dreams of this little boy. I told my husband “someone in our life is having a boy”. To our surprise it was us! When Brinlee was just a year old we found out we were expecting…tubes tied and all!

Again we had immediate medical intervention. Two shots a day in my stomach, lots of pills and monitoring. There was something different this time I believed it could happen.. I believed we deserved to be happy! And I had seen it happen before. Much to the disbelief of doctors and myself my body cooperated fully this time and the baby grew normally and we were able to carry him to 37 weeks. Us along with a team of doctors just waiting for the inevitable decided to take the baby early to avoid the possible dangers that had happened three times before.

After three babies, I finally got to have one in a happy setting. My husband by my side Oaklee Raines was delivered at 4:13 on September 29, 2010. He was wrapped in a blanket and we were able to hold him and everything. I felt like I was living a dream! Shortly after birth our little man was having troubles breathing and was rushed off. I panicked and cried all those feeling you thought had gone away were there again. How can I be here with a baby in the NICU again?? As it turns out by taking Oaklee early by c-section he was unable to push the gunk out of his lungs and had a lung infection. Luckily he was only there 10 days and we were able to bring him home.

Now with a two year old and a almost 4 year old...healthy kids, not a day goes by I don’t thank the Lord for my beautiful babies! 

I feel unbelievably blessed every day of my life.

Those feelings are still there though.. 

When I read Charly Bellas blog for the first time, my heart broke for that family and their long journey ahead. I too was there when I just wanted her to live. God is good and miracles happen! Our beautiful Charly Bella is proof of that. God Bless her and her amazing family!"

Introducing Tracy...

August 7, 2011 was a day that changed my life...literally.  After one really HORRIBLE weekend in the NICU with Charly (remember this post here), I received an email from a sweet lady named Tracy.  I didn't respond to her for a few days, but I read the email the day she sent it and I knew that I had to reply soon.

I was doing okay that weekend, but really needing a little extra "oomph" if you know what I mean.  In her email she introduced herself briefly and said (speaking from her own experiences) "know that no two experiences are the same but I do want you to know I think of you and pray for you daily.  I have been blessed with little miracle babies  and I know all the prayers people sent me helped our family so much.

I read your blog as often as I can. I smile with you and cry with you. I wish the best for you and your family.  Your are a beautiful mother doing so much for little Charly...It is a blessing to learn what miracles all little babies are."

Since that day...Tracy has become one of our BIGGEST "silent" Angels.  I say "silent" because she has been doing, helping, rooting, praying, hoping, giving, and encouraging me for the past year and a half from a distance.  Luckily, we live in the same state, but far enough away that her emails, kindness and gratitude has been felt hundreds of miles!

I have been OVERWHELMED by the love and support I have been given by so many.  I have hard time singling people out and giving them credit because I don't want "others" to feel bad.  

Tracy is LONG overdue for a HUGE "THANK YOU" and she has a story that I know will inspire you as much as it inspires me!  She has done multiple acts of kindness and compassion for my family, including but not limited to: driving 200 miles to bring items for Charly's Yard Sale donations, spending time with us in her hometown and letting us into her world (insisting on paying for our hotel and other things...which in her home town...was more than I paid to stay in New York City!)...and so many other acts of compassion.  Trust me, I could go on and on.  Really, I feel that words can't really express what is in my heart, and my heart is so full...I know this post doesn't do it justice!

But before I posted her story (which is coming tomorrow...trust me...you don't want to miss it)...I wanted to introduce Tracy and let you know how much she means to me.  Tracy is the kind of person EVERYONE needs to have in their lives!  She is so positive, hopeful, and is one of the most GIVING people I have ever met.  Her and her husband own a Cafe and work hard for what they have.  She is a dedicated mom and wife, and uses her spare time helping others, her family, and her community.  She is beautiful on the inside and out, and I feel so privileged to call her friend (and sister!).  So tomorrow...make sure you come back and read Tracy's Story.  She is one STRONG, AMAZING Woman, and wow, does she have a story that will melt your heart.  Love you Tracy!

 Pelican Lake Cafe - Tracy & Garth's AWESOME Cafe!

My sweetie Pies eating some of the BEST FOOD EVER (at Pelican Lake Cafe)!

Charly, Me & John (photo courtesy of photographer Jaxon...lol).

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom, and make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. Some people stay in our lives awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." ~Unknown.

***I also owe a HUGE "THANK YOU" to Angie S, Owner of For All Time Clocks!  Angie posted Charly's blog on her business facebook page, which is how Tracy read the blog and got in contact with me (and several others too)...for that I will be forever grateful!  

Angie...you are a guiding light! 

Hugs to Tracy and Angie S!

Pulling My Socks Off!

Being on "RSV/Flu season lock-down" means that some days...there's nothing to do...but pull your socks off.

Up & Running Soon...

Thank heavens for more miracles!  I found my CAMERA!  Now...if I could only find my keys (really, you have no idea how the synapses in my brain are NOT connecting).

And...drumroll...Jen gave me her laptop to borrow until I can get mine fixed or get a new one!  So...you should start to see some blog posts rolling in!

So Much to Share...but I'm Stuck!

I am very sorry I am so behind on the blog! I lost my camera and my laptop decided to die a few months ago. I have a renewed want to blog....and can't do anything right now.

I'm using my phone now, but my other posts and pictures won't attach.

I will be back soon. A few more road blocks, but I have so much to share....can't wait! If anyone has an old computer or camera they are getting rid of (working)...I will be glad to take it off your hands. :-)

Thanks again for all your continued faith, hope, and support for us and our little Charly Bella! Hugs!

Gettin Pickled at Peggy Sue's

Charly went on her first airplane ride! She was a champ (besides the blowout pre-boarding). Other passengers complimented us so much because she was so quiet. She slept most of the way and played with Grandma Phillips the other half! We are in San Jose for the "Ability Expo"!

Tooth Happiness?

 

Teeth 4,5, and 6 are on their way! What a hair raising experience it's been at our house the last few weeks! 

Thank heavens...so far...all teeth are white (as opposed to Grinch green preemie teeth)!

I'm Thankful!

Today I'm...

Thankful for family and friends who don't expect "Thank you Cards" or praise for the countless (and I really do mean countless) acts of kindness and service that they have rendered. Words can't express the thankfulness in my heart for the blessings and Angels that have been in my life (especially since Charly). 

I'm not always "thankful enough" and "deserving enough", but you are in my thoughts and prayers of gratitude for all you have done for me and my family. It hasn't been easy being ME, and I'm harder on myself than anyone I know. 

I've needed your strength, your encouragement, your love, and most of all your optimism. My sweet friend said once "Poor is a state of mind", and it has been one of my foremost thoughts...especially this past month or so. Thank you friends and family for the meals, the treats, the kind words, and for going without so that you can give to someone else. 

I am truly grateful for each and every one of you...and know that I am better for knowing YOU!

Time for Change...

I'm sitting on my bed with tears rolling down my face.  I've been wanting (and ready) to announce a few things that need to "Change" on my blog.  First, I need to explain something, but I can't say it all right now, not in this post anyway.  But I need to start somewhere...so here goes:

When Charly was born I had an INCREDIBLE amount of miracles happen.  So many, that even through documenting this blog, sharing them with friends/family, and writing them down in the kiddo's journals...I still can't keep up with all of them.  I know that some of you may not understand what I'm about to write, but I hope you can at least feel in your heart what I'm about to tell you.

I have experienced the same "miracle" with the births of both of my children.  When Jaxon came into the world...it was a brisk fall Saturday morning.  I had been in labor nearly 24 hours and was completely exhausted.  There is not a way for me to put into words the feeling of giving birth.  I'm not referencing the "physical" description.  I'm talking the "spiritual".  What I do know...is that the veil between this world and the next was extremely thin.  (President Smith in the April 1916 LDS General Conference, said this: “Sometimes the Lord expands our vision from this point of view and this side of the veil, that we feel and seem to realize that we can look beyond the thin veil which separates us from that other sphere.”).

So Jaxon was born and the veil parted for a time.  Tears, love, hope, happiness and spirits on earth and in Heaven rejoiced.  And within a few moments...the veil closed, and we were left as earthly family members celebrating the arrival of our sweet little boy.

With Charly...it was VERY different.  When she was born...it was scary.  I was in shock for several hours.  My body was tired, medicated, and hurting.  My heart was broken and afraid.  Although I had a wonderful husband by my side...and family that raced to our rescue...the veil did not seem to open.  I knew that I was a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, and I knew that no matter what...I would be okay.  BUT...I could not "feel" the VEIL.  Not like it felt with Jaxon, anyway.

It must have been a few days before I really started to recognize the opening of the veil.  I did a few "unusual" things.  Friends and family that immediately came to see me...were immediately re-directed to the NICU to see Charly.  I felt such an INTENSE feeling that I needed to share her...that people needed to witness her sweet little body with their own eyes.  I didn't think about contamination, or over visiting, or perhaps I didn't screen my visitors’ health as closely as those later NICU days...but I had never seen anything so small and beautiful in my whole life...and how could I NOT share her?  She was ALIVE.

It wasn't until the day Charly was blessed (July 24th) that I felt the veil completely open.  I could feel outstretched arms of family members who have passed away...wrapped around me during the day of her blessing.  I knew my Dad was there.  I could feel him (he passed away in 2008).  I could feel "physical"' hands of my friend and family who were there to love us and support us during her very spiritual baby blessing.  Tears of love, hope, and happiness filled the room because we KNOW we have a plan.  I had other amazing miracles that took place that I don't feel ready or perhaps that it's too scared to share...happen to me during those early weeks of Charly's birth.

The veil remained open for some time.  I could feel it last year at this exact same time.  I could feel it when she had her surgeries in the NICU.  I could feel it when we brought her home...and then again at Christmas.  The veil had remained "OPEN" for several months.  I could feel promptings and whisperings on and off for a long time.  And then...slowly but surely...the veil began to close.  It wasn't until a few months ago...when I seemed to start feeling like I was in a "RUTT"...that I finally recognized what was happening.

Charly has decided to stay with us here on earth.  We have promised to love her no matter what.  The time of easy gentle whisperings are more few and far between, and the veil is now completely closed.  I am amazed and blessed to have had such a special experience.  But, it is harder and harder for me to find some of those "precious" feelings.  I'm living my everyday life now.  I LOVE IT.  LIFE IS GOOD.  But, it's definitely different than before.  I have to strive harder to fight back feelings of doubt, of self worth issues, and it's harder to feel "peace" when trials come and go.

I am doing great though, our family is doing awesome, and we are so blessed.

I'm grateful for all that I have, and so it's time for a slight change, and a little bit of a new direction.

I felt inspired to ask a few people to write posts on the blog.  Not because I don't want to do it, or because I can't do it.  I'm going to keep posting as well...but these folks are special parts of Charly's story, and I want this documented for her.  I also have been so INSPIRED and changed forever by the "Angels" that I have had on "THIS SIDE" of the veil...and I want to share some of them with you.

I hope you find their stories and posts just as inspiring and uplifting as I do.

Love,
Angie